


Contrition

by BitterCripple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Blood, Gen, Mild Gore, No Romance, No Sex, Not Happy, One Shot, POV Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Reflection, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unflattering Portrayal, s7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterCripple/pseuds/BitterCripple
Summary: One shot. Before (and nonobservant) of S7. A man from Regina's past seeks her out. She doesn't remember him, but she made quite an impact on his life many years ago. It's an unforgettable meeting with a man who is inconsequential. Not a positive spin on Regina Mills.





	Contrition

Being back at her mayoral duties was boring, but it felt as if the universe had righted itself. This was where she belonged. This was where the curse may had placed her, but that curse was by her hand. That was her hard work. She had given up so much in order to take control and forge her own happy ending. This was where she belonged.

She was Madame Mayor. This was her place in the world. It wasn't as elegant as being queen, but nobody could put that disgusting, wretched title of evil onto it. Here she could be Mayor Mills, the beloved mayor who was only challenged once in her life due to Emma Swan and her meddling.

Regina had grown to tolerate and appreciate Emma, but sometimes she asked herself if she would do it differently. Those moments had her stopping and considering her answer. She wasn't sure. When it came down to it, it was about her happiness and her happy ending. Her happy ending was certainly with her son, Henry. Emma had to exist so she could have her son...

But deep down there was a tiny pang and a whisper that had never fully left her with the Evil Queen's departure. It reminded her that happiness could be so much more simple if she hadn't shared. She could have Henry all to herself. If Emma hadn't arrived, things would have remained like this without any of the power struggle. Things would have been perfectly mundane and she would have never been nudged from her place. Then, maybe she could have taken care of Snow White and taken out that foppish and prancing prince while he was still in a coma. Henry would have never been the wiser and she could have cherished him for as long as his lifespan would have allowed it.

Then? Then she would have handled what happened next. She didn't know what, but she'd just handle it.

The feelings flickered up like a fire that hadn't quite been extinguished as she sat at her desk and began the task of uninteresting paperwork. Things needed a signature and the town didn't run itself. Sometimes, Regina was sure it did. With all of the catastrophes in the past, it seemed like Storybrooke kept living somehow. At the very least, someone could design her a stamp with her signature so she could just go down the line and forget about these things...

A silly ordinance for a day to observe some kind of illness? Why waste money on that? No, no that wouldn't do. No. Rejected. She didn't remember promising anything like that before and her image didn't need improvement. She wasn't The Evil Queen anymore. That thing was gone. It was extracted like a rotten tooth. It was garbage. Surely it would be fine to just forget about some of these fluffier documents. Her reputation didn't need that boost... No, reject it. She didn't care to have the press crawling over city hall for this.

Showing up to cut the ribbon at a dog park? Rejected. Never in her life would she do it! And why should she? People simply needed to remember she was the mayor and she was a good person... Next business! Approving more funding for the fire department for hiring? They could forget it and so could the police. Emma did well enough with her empty vase of a boyfriend or whatever the one-armed fiend was now. They didn't need funding. They all needed to toughen up. Storybrooke was small enough. If they needed more, ask for volunteers. Hiring people, really? What did Emma think she was on!

Regina found her rejection pile growing, as did her irritation for the town she performed mayoral duties for. She could feel pressure around her eyebrow and discontent rising for the little town she had thrust into existence.

“What next, a bigger women's clinic?!”

They needed so much to thrive and it irked her. It made no sense. Why ask her for these things when they were calling her “evil” when they had been in their original lifetime in the Enchanted Forest? They didn't deserve it. They didn't deserve any of it. They were the monsters, not her... But she had Henry. It was all worth it. All of that sacrifice and work...it was all worth it.

It was that thought that guided Regina's hand with more of a fury, writing out rejections and leaving some poor secretary to fill out more forms in depth to why the mayor had signed no. How dare they... Didn't they know all of the things she had to give up to become what she was?!

Her hair, which had been neatly straightened for the morning had become slightly unkempt with her fervor. One of her beloved pens had snapped in half with the pressure she exerted onto the pen, leading her to throw the end with the nib into the wall and embed it. She knew she had some strength, but even this surprised her. Dark eyes examined the broken pen as it remained lodged in the wall. Her magic was something to fear and she was very aware of that, but she wasn't aware that her rage could turn a pen into a possible weapon. It was an interesting bit of information and something she tucked away in case she could use it in the future.

The former queen returned to her comfortable seat and tried her best to relax. It still didn't feel right. The festering anger for most of Storybrooke's denizens still rested heavily on her shoulders, making her feel tense. There was a feeling of discomfort in her stomach. Regina knew it wasn't that awful feeling of sick, but it was more of disgust. When one looks as something and is repulsed and then gets a mildly sour feeling in their stomach, she could feel that level of disgust towards the people who lived in the town.

The thoughts in her head ran wild. Their fault, yes. It was their fault that for even a second she wasn't mayor. It was their fault that she would get to sit at this desk. Her. Her.... She could say Snow White, but why was it so hard to say the other name? Was it that cloying kindness that Regina longed to throw back at her? One day. That entire family, the little voice whispered. It was so impossible for that little voice to be there, but yet it was so soothing and it still reminded her how right she was.

She liked to be reminded how right she was.

Regina sat back in her chair and listened to her back pop from the stress. This break was well deserved. She would just shut her eyes for a little bit and then continue on...

There was a noise. It buzzed and hummed. There was a red button on her phone.

Gracefully, she lifted the receiver into her hand with the poise only royalty could muster under pressure and frustration. A thin smile crossed her face. “Madame Mayor speaking.” It was velvet and perfect. Her hand reached to her hair to tuck in the stray hairs that had taken on a life of their own during her rejection spree. She must have really felt spirited, she guessed. Spirited...

“You have a one-thirty.” The voice answered with a bit of hesitation. “He said he's here to show you plans for the park's new playground? I think Mary Margaret may have-”

Regina hissed back on the receiver. “I know what he's here for. Send him in!”

She had booked it. Anything that Mary Margaret touched in that room was canceled at the least and destroyed at the worst. What wasn't immolated via magic ended up in a fire pit in her well coiffed backyard. She had treated Henry to s'mores that night, hoping he was none the wiser. He didn't seem to notice and the way his eyes lit up during their time together told her it had been the right choice. She had done something for her son and he loved it because he could be with her...

He'd be proud of her, she reckoned. There was a time when she had utterly destroyed the playground that he had loved and adored. She knew “safety concerns” were a flimsy excuse, especially when the replacement had poor capacity issues. This time, she'd make it right. She'd do it right. He'd be so proud of her. She changed and she would prove it to her son.

All for Henry.

The man with the knit cap entered the room and shut the door quietly. He walked as if he weren't there. He might as well have been a ghost. His blue eyes were wrinkled and droopy. This man seemed younger than her, but the wrinkles spoke of something difficult. Drugs? Exhaustion? Illness? There was something, but Regina couldn't read the heavy air that followed him. It was curious, but it was hard for her to care. She needed to get work done so that Henry could be proud of her.

The man pulled a few rolled blueprints from his worn backpack and spread them out on Regina's desk, noticing her delight at each proposed blueprint and being unable to react to her joy. It was as if he were going through the motions of how to speak to a client, but nothing was clicking with him. Things seemed very empty. There was a moment where he sat and stroked his very poorly shaved scruff on his chin, but otherwise he didn't react to any of Regina's joy. There was just nothing in him.

“Design number three seems like it would be better. More accessible...and close to the original design that was on the beach.” Regina sang her approval. “The ramps are wonderful. Did you think to add those yourself?”

The man simply gave a brief nod.

Silent type? Regina kept looking through. What was it with him? She didn't remember him being so strange before... No, she had spoken to builders. This was just who they sent. She never spoke to this man before. He seemed familiar. That tired look in his eyes and the way he moved seemed far too unique to be a coincidence. She must have seen him somewhere before. Maybe it was on the streets of Storybrooke.

Regina smiled and started to wrap up the blueprints in an attempt to be helpful. “It wasn't you who I spoke to about this project, was it?”

The man, forced to speak at last, spoke with a very soft rumble in his voice. “That was my boss. I just draw the blueprints when he wants something creative.” It was like the ocean crashing. Regina immediately remembered Henry's fears of the ocean and...remembered her being unable to control her laughter. He was so small. He didn't know. Even with Henry's tears, she had laughed. It wasn't so bad. He was just a boy and he couldn't know a wave crashing into shore wouldn't hurt him... It was just so easy to laugh and easy to smile at that memory. It was easy to smile at the man as well. So much about him seemed inviting.

“Well, I'll have to tell your boss that this is some of the finest work I've seen!” The charm was layered thick. If she wanted to be honest, she was going to find someone to take the job for cheaper. It's what you did. She'd have to have a bidding war. If there was no contract yet, then she'd just have to be sweet on him enough to get him to walk away now so she could keep that blueprint.

And it seemed to work.

He didn't say anything else. He stood up and began to head for the door.

Simple. It was what you had to do as mayor. This was her town and Regina needed to do what was best.

The man didn't exit. Instead, he clicked the lock and slowly turned to face back to Regina's desk. With those same exhausted eyes, he stared at her for a bit of time. “You don't remember me. You just don't, do you?”

Regina was about to throw a fireball but it was hard to when a man was asking if she remembered him. She knew he was familiar, but from where?

“What are you doing?”

The man set down the tattered work backpack and sighed. He rolled off the knit cap and let messy, thin hair fall onto his forehead. The hair color spoke of a man who was much younger than he looked. The brown color was vibrant, but the stringy hair that stuck to his head wasn't really healthy. “I was just hoping you would remember,” He sputtered in a near-whisper, but audible enough for Regina to hear. “I've been hearing so much...”

From the bag came a gun. It was a small thing. It was dark, shiny, and cold. There were things that magic could do and there were things that destructive so-called “tools” could do. Whatever this man had in mind, Regina wasn't sure she wanted to find out.

“Please,” She began to plead, forgetting she had her deadly magic for a moment. “We can talk about this.”

“I wanna talk.” The man concluded. “Just a little.”

It didn't make sense. By all means, none of it made sense. This scruffy man, twisted by stress, time, or whatever it was, seemed to remember her. Why couldn't she remember?

The man pointed the gun at Regina's chair. “Sit. It'll be fine.”

As Regina sat, the man took the couch from in front of the fire and placed it against the door. “I'm sorry I can't trust you,” He spoke in a monotone. “But you've given me reason not to trust you the last time we saw each other.”

If to give credence to his words, Regina had pressed on a button to start flashing in the sheriff's office. Emma would be over so long as she wasn't out dealing with something unsavory... The man sighed and shrugged, but didn't seem interested in hurting Regina for her obvious signal for help.

“Can't blame you,” He murmured. “It's...good when you have family.”

“They're not family,” Regina snapped. “They happen to love my son so they'll stay. The moment they aren't good for him, they'll leave.” For Henry. All for Henry... It was all for Henry. At times, she sometimes felt like she could like Emma... Then sometimes she reminded herself that Emma was an unwanted invader. She got Henry fair and square. If Emma wanted Henry, then maybe she shouldn't have been a disgusting little criminal! It was all Emma's fault. That meant it was Snow White's fault. The entire family was a mess. Yes, if Emma was doing her job, she would be safe and not stuck with this madman!

The “madman” looked at the door he had hardly barricaded and then back at Regina. “I guess with so many people, you really just forget about us after a while.”

Regina snapped, feeling her rage stoked. “I'm not the Evil Queen. You people gave me that name. You people hid a girl I should have killed for what she did to me. I was the queen. I had the right. You people don't get to talk to me like this.”

He chuckled bitterly and nodded. Another sad sigh slipped from his lips. “Of course... of course. It's such a burden to remember we have faces, names, and stories. It's a burden to remember you took our kids from us.” The man brought the gun to his stomach and, without any ceremony to the act, fired. Blood immediately pooled out and the man didn't react to the pain. There was a slight twinge of his eyebrow to acknowledge what had happened, but nothing more. The blood rained in her office, staining the carpet.

Regina was not concerned about the carpet. What sort of assailant locks you in, wants to give you a speech, but decides on shooting himself instead?

He sputtered and smiled this strained and haunted smile. “Maybe for once...you'll remember one of us. You never remembered me when I was holding my daughter.”

It was a dusty village. It was the usual executions... She had ordered the guards to haul out everyone because they had hidden the princess. Some of the adults were trying to hide children in the town hall, including this man. Rather than executing the families together, one adult was chosen from the families to live. The children got to die first.

Now she remembered the eyes. Now she remembered the exhausted, horrified eyes settling on a small body in a pale pink dress being held down by a guard and having a sword driven into her middle. Children would just grow up to mimic the adults. They would help Snow White as well so they had to die. It needed to be an example. The five survivors were set out to spread the word about the Evil Queen and never to defy her again. Helping Snow White was worse than a death sentence.

“I didn't put evil in your name. You fashioned that fate for yourself...” Blood reached his lips as he sputtered. “We had lives. You decided yours mattered more.”

He had sunk slowly to the floor. Blood mixed with his shabby clothes and stained his lips. His eyes gazed at the window. “I hoped maybe you remembered some of us. I was wrong...”

It wasn't that he was wrong, it was that they all blended together. And what did they really matter? In the end, all paths led to Henry. She didn't touch him, but she stared at him.

“What...was her name?”

“Amelia.” He answered with forced words struggling from his lips. Regina wasn't sure how much time she'd be spending with a dying man, but perhaps it was a good idea to learn why this man chose to end his life in her office today.

“Amelia,” She repeated to herself. “And you are...?”

“It doesn't matter.” He smiled, still staring at the sunlight.

Maybe he was right.

Slowly, Regina emerged from her desk and gave herself a healthy distance from the dying man. “I don't understand this. So many people believed in me. They gave me a new start. They help me. Why did you choose this?”

“Because there is nothing for so many of us. You took that for your new beginning.”

Maybe it was fitting that he bled on the floor. The blood of many had paved her way to Henry and what sort of gratitude did she give in return? Did she try to understand what had been done for her and what things she could give in return to those she had wounded?

It was so hard to care.

She was born into a life where she deserved everything. She was a princess. Sure, she wasn't very powerful, but she had a horse! She had dresses and so many things of beauty... She deserved more. This man was just a little spot on the universe and this was forced humility. So what she had murdered his child and his lover, whoever they were? She probably killed his dog, too. She didn't care. It gave her Henry. There were winners and losers. This man was a loser and he had no name. Good riddance. When people like that brat Snow White tried to force her to care, she had to fight back. She deserved these things and someone like Snow White especially wouldn't do that. Not when it was her fault. She should have known! Everyone should have known about what would have happened that night!

Everyone should have been on her side to begin with. Then it wouldn't be so bad!

The thoughts raced in her head. But she was good now...

Good people have selfish thoughts all the time. It's perfectly normal. Yes. Perfectly normal...and good.

The man wheezed and said nothing else.

That was it. A chance meeting with her and he chose that time to kill himself.

“Why?”

No response.

“Why would you do that? You had the chance to shoot me and you'd rather kill yourself? You're a coward...”

Regina stared at the corpse. The eyes were fixed happily on the sun. She wondered if he saw something wonderful as he drifted into the embrace of death, but didn't think on the matter too long. She sat there with the corpse of the man she half-remembered and didn't care to think about much more.

There was an awful, slamming sound as her office door was splintered open. There stood not just Emma, but an entire medical team ready to tend to her. What had felt like slow motion for Regina had been under half an hour. Emma and Killian shoved the sofa away with a grunt while the medics ran to look over Regina. Why did people who experienced traumatic events get a blanket, Regina thought to herself. It might be the hottest time of the year and they hand out blankets. But it felt oddly familiar. It was like stepping back in time to the fire. Emma had rescued her there as well.

She accepted the blanket with no verbal fuss and went to sit in one of the ambulances outside her office.

A crowd had gathered. Gunfire at the mayor's office draws a new steam, of course. Regina was just happy to get away from that body. She didn't want to think anymore. She just wanted to go home, see Henry, and forget the man again. It was better when she could forget the past.

It would always be their fault she was once the evil queen. Didn't they recognize her hard work?

It often came at the expense of their lives, but that was the work. This was the new life she had now. This was better.

\---

It had been a week after. Regina wasn't afraid to return to her daily activities. This incident was “an abnormality” she insisted. She accepted Emma's increased security presence in the form of the dwarfs and grudgingly paid them extra.

She had decided to take a walk to Granny's. People were avoiding her, so it would be alright. She could surprise Henry with something calorie-laden and sugar-filled, but at least it would make him smile even if it would bring her some frustration in return.

Regina had noticed a small procession entering the church. She wouldn't have noticed much if it wasn't for Archie Hopper. Dressed in tweed, but it was black for a funeral. It had begun to rain and his friendly smile as well the way he approached her said she would have use of his umbrella for a while.

“Bug- er. Archie. Sorry.”

“Madame Mayor. Lovely day.”

“You're off to a funeral. How can you say that?” Regina flared her nostrils in surprise.

“This is how I greet you every day, Regina. If you haven't figured that out yet, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.” Archie kept himself upbeat, despite the location. “I'm off to a memorial service. Is there something the matter with that?”

“And just for whom might that be?”

Archie frowned to himself. It wasn't going to be the wisest thing to do, but considering the circumstances, he might as well. Besides, Regina could just look it up on the schedule for the recreation hall. “I run a few groups at the rec center. One is for those grieving over family members that were lost during the time in the Enchanted Forest.”

So he was seeing Archie. It wasn't for a lack of trying. The man tried. How many years did he shuffle along Storybrooke's streets until one day he decided he was going to die in her office? Regina stared at the door for a short while, thinking about the stranger. She could have asked Archie for his name, but what did it matter anymore? It would have only mattered if she was going to care.

“I probably shouldn't go in,” She concluded softly. “I've got an order at Granny's for Henry anyway so... I'll talk to you later, Archie.”

Archie gave a curt nod and walked off. He had a place to be. Regina imagined he was probably giving the eulogy for a lost soul with nobody to speak for. How many of them where in Storybrooke? How many of them were thinking right now that they should do the very same thing? Would her office become a graveyard for these people she hadn't bothered to finish off before?

Somehow, deep down, she still couldn't care.

This time she wasn't going to forget those deadened blue eyes. Not for a long time.


End file.
